Thursday, May 1, 2014

Working Mom.

So, since we last left off both Brandon and I quit our jobs, rented out our first home in Colorado and moved to Houston.

We're living with my parents right now. When we first started talking about coming down here I said one month TOPS but we are rapidly approaching seven weeks and have no plans of leaving anytime soon and it's actually really good.

We've settled into a good routine. As much as I feel like my life is constantly changing something I crave is ROUTINE. I like waking up at the same time every morning and going to sleep at the same time every night. I like knowing when Abigail will be sleeping and what we'll be doing when she's awake. She has finally (*knock on wood*) started sleeping through the night and I feel like a completely different person.

I've started running again, too. Last Saturday I ran 4.5 miles at a decent pace and felt like I could have kept running. It was a great feeling. After struggling to get back into running after having Abigail (really, if I'm being honest, after nursing school) it is nice to finally feel like I have that little piece of myself back.

I'm also going to start working again soon. Well, in a month.

I have mixed emotions about this.

On one hand, I love my work. I went to school for a long time to do what I do and hopefully I'll get to go to school again. I like taking care of people. I enjoy being a nurse. I enjoy the challenges that come with it, I enjoy using the skills I've learned and I enjoy working with a team of people. Being a nurse - a good  nurse - feels like part of my identity. I miss it. I watch medical shows and my fingers practically itch to start an IV and I want to yell at whoever decided to forgo anything that's ever happened in any hospital ever and show a doctor giving a bed bath. When I went for my interview something just felt right about being back in the hospital.

On the other hand, I really love staying home with my daughter. I love our schedule and, with that, our flexibility. I love that I'm the one that gets to teach her how to crawl, who gets to repeat "ma ma ma" over and over again, hoping she'll learn my name first, who knows her nap schedule and what her favorite foods are and what her favorite toy of the day is. I treasure this time we have together and I'm so thankful that I've been able to be at home for this part of her life.

I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom. When I was a little girl thinking about what I'd be when I grew up I always saw myself working (even though those jobs have changed a bit) and I always saw myself having kids. I guess I never really considered how the two would work out together.

It's hard, is what I'm getting at.

I'm excited about going back to work, but I also mourn the time I'm going to miss with my baby.

I'm incredibly lucky, because I'll only be working two days a week and we have someone really fantastic who's going to come to the house to watch Abigail. And she'll get to spend all day Saturday with her dad. I think it's going to work out well. God is so good to me.