Let me just start this post by saying that I reached a level of exhaustion yesterday that I don't think I've ever reached before - and then my car broke down 3 hours into what would end up being an eleven hour trip.
And I was by myself with Abigail.
Yes, I cried.
(Thankfully it was just the battery. Thanks to two nice guys who called me "ma'am" I was back on the road before the tow truck made it.)
Abigail, thankfully, was an angel and barely made a peep the whole trip. Seriously, she was awesome. I think I might have actually had a break down if she'd been having a bad day, too. She continued being awesome last night and let me sleep for a stretch of four and a half hours, and then another three and a half hours.
Today has been pretty touch and go with her - she cried almost the whole way to the grocery store even though she normally is perfectly content on short trips and then she continued being fussy in the store. No all out screaming, thank goodness, but just particular and irritable.
Particular? An almost seven week old? Yes. She didn't want the cloth of the wrap (which she's been doing so much better in lately) around her head, so I had to support the back of her head with one hand and push the cart with the other, which pretty much made the convenience and purpose of the Moby moot. Oh well, we survived and she's currently approaching hour three of her afternoon nap, so I'll take a fussy grocery store trip.
I've been struggling so much with her fussiness and I think I'm blowing most of it way out of proportion in my head. I read stories online about babies crying for hours on end and all through the night and being inconsolable and thankfully that's not Abigail, but it does seem like she's just never content. We were visiting my parents this weekend and after Abigail screamed throughout a diaper change and then acted like I was trying to feed her poison when I tried to nurse her, I cried to my mom that it felt like I just couldn't do anything to make her happy. I know that's not true, but still - it's hard not to take the crying personally at times.
It doesn't help that my nephew is perhaps the happiest baby ever. He is so, so cute and so happy. As much as I loved it, I admit that I thought to myself, when is my baby going to be like that? It's so hard to not compare yourself to others. Noah (my nephew) is almost six months old. He's outgrown a lot of the "fussiness" and I know it will get better.
It might sound strange because, duh, but I have to remind myself that Abigail doesn't know better. She doesn't cry because she's being "bad" and she doesn't know that she should be quiet in church - she just cries sometimes. It's her only way of communicating that something is wrong, even if it's just that she wants to be held or wants to be bounced. I also think we're dealing with a touch of colic (which seems to be getting better, fingers crossed!) and the reflux that I mentioned in the last post.
There's not really a point to this - I just hope that one day I use this to remind myself that these little challenges will pass.